The Follow Through

     It’s no secret I like dating/talking to men/meeting new people.  I’m human and I do things I shouldn’t more often then I care to admit. You know you do dumb shit to so don’t give me that look I imagine you are giving me right now.  I say things I shouldn’t without even thinking… um hi have you read my articles?! Sometimes my thoughts aren’t not so well received, and I catch the wrath of someone I didn’t mean to offend.  I typically don’t realize what I’ve done until it’s too late to do anything about. I ramble and just lay it out there saying what exactly is on my mind; no holds bar policy applies here. I personally think it’s better to have things open and honest if someone can’t handle reality/ the truths then they need to put on their big boy or girl panties and grow the fuck up. Life isn’t going to hold back the shit just because you can’t handle it. Now that being said you are probably totally confused on what direction this article is going…. Read the whole thing before you burn me at the stake, ok? Cool.

     There is this thing that I’ve noticed that men do, but I’ve also seen women do it too. I’m ashamed that I’ve even done this. By far one of the most hurtful things is when someone says they’re going to do something and then they don’t fucking do it. It’s rude first of all. Secondly, it’s going to hurt someone eventually, or at the very minimum disappoint them. You look like a lying asshole no matter how wonderful you may be. Any excuse that you could have possibly had for not doing whatever it was you said you would do is really a moot point.

     Whether it’s someone you just met, or you’ve been with for years. One of the most heart breaking things to hear “I will call/text you tomorrow…” and then when tomorrow has come and gone you don’t hear from them. I’ve done this to someone and I regretted it almost instantly. I did everything I could do to make it right but talking to that person but wasn’t the same afterwards. It’s happened to me as well and nothing really is as nerve wracking as to start to like a guy as you are getting to know each other and he suddenly goes a wall. “I will call/text you tomorrow…” and I in my brash fashioned went off on this guy. Yes he did have a legitimate excuse and I really had no right to flip shit because we hadn’t made anything official. I felt bad when he explained but would it have killed him to say “Sorry, work was insane” as soon as he could instead of waiting for me to go off like bomb?!  No, it wasn’t that hard.

     While I don’t like excuses, I know shit happens. You’ve got to roll with the punches but excuses don’t change the nervous disappointment/ anger that one feels dealing with the situation. If it’s a legitimate excuse it’s ok, but if it happens more than once it’s gone too far. People can only take so much. The end result of being pushed too far is that things start to break/snap. I know when I’m pushed and upset I lash out at people saying things I don’t mean exactly the way I said them. There’s really only one exception to this, but I will get to that in a minute. It sucks to disappoint someone you care about because you’re going to have to own up to and do whatever it takes to make up fucking up. It sucks to be the person that didn’t get the call the next day. The person waited with their phone in the hand all day hoping you would call/text/message/ etc. If you don’t want to continue with the relationship or whatever at least have the courtesy to say it’s not working for me and that you’re sorry. That is so much better than silently saying “You aren’t even worth my time rejecting you.” This is what goes through a person’s mind when they’re told that they will get a call but the call never comes.

Yea, I know this article didn’t carry my over whelming sarcastic wit but I felt this needed to be said. It’s not that hard to just tell someone “I’m not into it anymore.” Silent rejections seem ok at first until you experience it. Don’t do that to someone that was hoping to have someone with you. Hope is just as painful as rejection because eventually the person you rejected figures it out and feels like a fool. Just follow through and tell them.

 

EXCEPTION TIME!!!!!

   The only exception to this deals with military relationships. There are things that your service member can’t tell you. There are things they have no control over (FYI if their boss says they need to do something their promise to you is null and void instantly). You can bet your sweet ass that if they care about you, they just took a sucker punch to the emotional “gut”. They may not even be allowed to explain why they didn’t call like they promised they would tell you. If they actually care at all about the potential “us”, they are now terrified that they just fucked up another potentially good relationship because of Uncle Sam…. Again. Duty comes before “Goodnight Sweetheart”, “I’m stuck at work, I’m sorry.”

  

 

Couple time: little thoughts count…

     What you think is spending time with your girlfriend, fiancée; wife may not be what you think. I realize that you are reading this for some new ideas to spice up your love life but seriously do you think you can pull off elaborate dates for your lady?! You are googling “how to spend time with my girl… or fresh date ideas…” Let’s be real and explain what is like to be a girl and date. *Disclaimer* not all women are the same and not even the information overload that google is can give you a fool proof answer. I’m a girl that goes on dates with men, that is basically my qualification for writing this blog post. I also asked my female friends what they would like for a date. The old adage that there are plenty of fish in the sea is true with how many different types of women there are in the world. Fun fact, there are 31,500 different species of fish. There are roughly 7 billion people in the world, even if only half are a woman that’s still 3.5 billion. I cannot possible ask them all what kind of dates and swoon worthy activities they all enjoy.

    I am a workaholic, neuroscience student with a job. I don’t have tons of free time. So the little things are HUGE for me. I know it’s tough to remember every little detail about a person no matter how long you have known them, but there are some things that will earn you brownie points with your lady. The things that make me just gush are the things half the time a guy didn’t realize he did. A kiss on the forehead when I have my head buried in a pile of textbooks bigger than I am…. It happens what can I say.

    I enjoy getting dressed up and going out on a nice date (that doesn’t always mean expensive). I’m a dude’s chick as in I like cars and guns. Hunting isn’t really my thing but a date at the gun range sounds fun to me. For women that enjoy showing her feminine side  (wearing high heels, skirts, lacey things, hair done, make up done) try and keep in mind that they put a lot of effort into looking that way for you and themselves. They probably don’t want to put all of that effort into date night just to have it ruined by date night. Walking the city in stilettos is awful even if your lady can basically run a marathon in her pumps. Date night doesn’t mean she is going to dress according to the weather, again she probably wants to look nice and a parka does not scream come hither…. It just doesn’t ok!

    Now I am going to assume that you’ve been with your lady for a little while now, since you’ve run out of ideas and came to the internet for help. Let me ask you a question… Do you still do those little stupid puppy love things for your lady anymore? Leave her a note/text message on her phone for her to wake up to? I know when I’m stressed out with work and school I get pretty damn tired. At that point I am in serious need of a pick me up. Remembering her favorite coffee order, tea, etc. whatever the girl drinks is crucial!!! Having the man I’m dating remember my coffee order and bringing it to wherever I am without any reason at all makes my heart melt.

    My coffee order costs maybe $6 maximum, and then the gas cost to bring it to me. At current gas prices the man might be spending $15. That’s not a lot considering a nice meal can cost double or triple that for just dinner. That we’ve covered the little things aspect of keeping a relationship alive, let’s dive into what is annoying and basically a waste of time to do.

     The example I am using is going to exclude the gamer girl category… I personally hate video games, and my friends while they play them aren’t super into them. If you read my last post (which spsss! Why haven’t you?!) You should know that girl really quite simply wants time and attention. You sitting there playing video games for hours on end while she sits there isn’t really spending time with her. JUST NO!!!

     Yes, you are both in the same place at the same time, you may ask how is that different than going to a movie?! It is different because your attention is engulfed in the monitor with the controller in your hands. Most of the times you probably aren’t even aware she is there with you watching you play your game. If she’s playing with the game with you and you know she doesn’t really like video games she is doing it to spend time with you. Don’t make her play forever she is eventually going to get tired of playing the same game for hours.  Dude come on she is sitting there bored out of her mind most likely, and is thinking “why am I doing this on my only fucking day off?!” If playing games is what you want to do and she agrees to it, it was for you.

     Date ideas don’t have to be complex, but hey if you are gutsy enough to try it elaborate date ideas are epically romantic. But let’s start with the stupid simple stuff try board games, or card games instead of video games. Go for a literal walk in the park, you might actually enjoy having a one on one conversation with your lady. If you go and ask couple that have been together for a long time what are the best memories on a date they’ve had together it would probably be “ He was waiting on me outside of work with a *insert favorite flower here* and whisked me away for a nice dinner just the two of us.” “I had a long ass day at the office and he had my favorite movie set up on the TV and Chinese food waiting just for me when I got home.” That stuff is super simple to do. The little things matter ALWAYS. Doing those little things that is what you can do to spice up your love life it really is that simple.

How to Decode Your Clingy Girlfriend

Decoding Your Clingy Girlfriend

     Firstly, men generally hate advice; I get that. We all have heard the asking for directions saga. You might be asking who is this chick to tell me about my relationship?! I’m a woman. I have lived life and dated somewhat successfully in modern “hookup” culture. I'm also a college student that has been on the dean's list while working at least one part time job. Have you tried dating someone with a demanding major in college before? Let me tell you it sucks most of the time, as a neuroscience major I got that memo during my first day at orientation. I somehow still have time for relationships if I think the person is worth my time.  I am also demisexual so dating is even harder for me.  Google what demisexual is. I am not explaining it in this essay. Dating is hard period and if you take it seriously you give it all you got. No matter how busy you are if someone means anything to you, you will make time for them. Even the best matched couple will have problems, it happens. Most of the time it’s because one or both people aren’t communicating, sometimes because we assume that the other person already knows what’s wrong...  Take that idea and throw it out the window. Reading minds isn’t a thing. The most in tune couples can misinterpret what the other is thinking based on their behavior. So hear me out for the time being.

    To start you found this essay by probably googling “my clingy girlfriend…” or something similar. You are kinda desperate at this point or hopelessly confused. So here are my answers to why your girlfriend is being clingy. I have been the clingy girlfriend, so this is based off of what made me feel that way.  BTW I’m not a dating expert! In fact, I suck at flirting or even being able to tell when a man has genuine interest in me. My best friend is a gay man, so I do get an all access pass to a man’s mind that has no interest in fucking me no matter how drunk he gets. He can’t even read the mind of his boyfriend (spoiler alert men can’t read the minds of other men).  I am as close as you are going to get to a woman that can think like a man. I read Steve Harvey’s book “Act like a lady think like a man.” It’s a good book and explains a lot. I suggest you read it, what could it hurt at this point? I mean, yah know since you are already running to google for relationship advice. Just sayin’

     You can take the least “clingy” woman and turn her into the clingiest out there. If she is isolated from what she knows and you are all she has at the moment, she is going to seem clingy. If you think playing video games while you are with her is “spending time” with her it’s NOT. All women in a relationship want your attention above all else.  A non-clingy girl will understand if you want to go blow off some steam, but for heaven’s sake tell her.  And NEVER put your friend’s wants and needs above hers.

     If she hates something and has made that abundantly clear to you but she makes an effort anyway, you need to acknowledge it. Praise her efforts because more than likely the only reason she did was for you! Your friends don’t like your girl and your girl doesn’t like your friends, well you can expect a fight or two. However, holding those fights over her head will only be hurting your relationship. And if your friends try to do things to set her off, don’t get mad at her if she reacts. She wants respect, and if it’s not explicitly given she will fight for it. But you shouldn’t let her fight, you should fight for her.

     The suspicious clingy girlfriend is an awful situation. Did you stop to think why this behavior is occurring? Did you do any or all of the things I mentioned earlier? If you did then she’s already acting clingy, so let’s go on to the suspicious aspect that is driving you and her insane.  This is fairly straight forward to see. There could be something like a cheating issue from either a past relationship or your current one with her.  If it’s from a past source she is fighting anxiety that is consuming her every time another woman looks at you.  If you cheated and she forgave you…. Firstly she is a saint! Here’s how you handle it once that kinda blows over. FYI she will never forget, NEVER! If she wants to look through your phone, let her. If you think she’s being paranoid, she already knows she is. But you not letting her prove herself wrong just makes it seem like you are hiding things from her. If you want to go out with your friends and your friends don’t want her there, tell your friends that it is her choice if she comes with or not.  If she decides to not go, tell her where you will be in case she decides to come join you later.

     There is another aspect to the suspicious girlfriend problem you getting upset and she has no clue why. Women are pretty intuitive but not even the greatest woman in the world can read your mind. You don’t know what you want half the time outside of sleep, sex, and food. Men are simplistic but sometimes overly so! Women are complicated and we are well aware of that fact. We go through literally 100 different scenarios as to why you are mad at us, the only exception to that is when we did it on purpose.  It’s like the famous line in the Notebook “What do you want?” don’t tell you don’t know that just makes us really angry. Again, women cannot read a man’s mind! How do we know little things about you it’s not mind reading; it is experience, paying attention, listening to what you have to say and a hell of a lot of guess work.

     So… to wrap up this essay. When your girlfriend is being clingy ask her what she is afraid of, pay attention to her reactions when you do certain things, put her first and foremost. IF you know something sets her off try to avoid it, or at the very least don’t throw it in her face. When you add suspiciousness to the lineup let her prove her damn self-wrong, don’t hide things ever it only makes it worse. Tell her what’s going on with you, even if she is mad at you and basically ignoring your existence she is still listening and paying attention.  If she did something that bothered you, and she doesn’t know she will keep doing whatever upset you. When a woman is upset we will tell you exactly what you did, and make it clear that your life will be miserable if you keep doing whatever you did. We are miserable when our man is mad at us and we don’t know why.  So save us both a headache and spit it out already. You want space that’s cool but could you tell me? So I don’t feel self-conscious that I did something wrong, or feel ignored. Both of those things really suck and pretty much ruin a woman’s day. So there are you answers from a woman about what makes her feel clingy and or suspicious of her man.

 

     P.S. Remember her clinginess isn’t just her problem. Remember that this bad behavior stems from a place that is good. She cares about you, she wants to be with you , and furthermore she is terrified of losing you.