How to Decode Your Clingy Girlfriend

Decoding Your Clingy Girlfriend

     Firstly, men generally hate advice; I get that. We all have heard the asking for directions saga. You might be asking who is this chick to tell me about my relationship?! I’m a woman. I have lived life and dated somewhat successfully in modern “hookup” culture. I'm also a college student that has been on the dean's list while working at least one part time job. Have you tried dating someone with a demanding major in college before? Let me tell you it sucks most of the time, as a neuroscience major I got that memo during my first day at orientation. I somehow still have time for relationships if I think the person is worth my time.  I am also demisexual so dating is even harder for me.  Google what demisexual is. I am not explaining it in this essay. Dating is hard period and if you take it seriously you give it all you got. No matter how busy you are if someone means anything to you, you will make time for them. Even the best matched couple will have problems, it happens. Most of the time it’s because one or both people aren’t communicating, sometimes because we assume that the other person already knows what’s wrong...  Take that idea and throw it out the window. Reading minds isn’t a thing. The most in tune couples can misinterpret what the other is thinking based on their behavior. So hear me out for the time being.

    To start you found this essay by probably googling “my clingy girlfriend…” or something similar. You are kinda desperate at this point or hopelessly confused. So here are my answers to why your girlfriend is being clingy. I have been the clingy girlfriend, so this is based off of what made me feel that way.  BTW I’m not a dating expert! In fact, I suck at flirting or even being able to tell when a man has genuine interest in me. My best friend is a gay man, so I do get an all access pass to a man’s mind that has no interest in fucking me no matter how drunk he gets. He can’t even read the mind of his boyfriend (spoiler alert men can’t read the minds of other men).  I am as close as you are going to get to a woman that can think like a man. I read Steve Harvey’s book “Act like a lady think like a man.” It’s a good book and explains a lot. I suggest you read it, what could it hurt at this point? I mean, yah know since you are already running to google for relationship advice. Just sayin’

     You can take the least “clingy” woman and turn her into the clingiest out there. If she is isolated from what she knows and you are all she has at the moment, she is going to seem clingy. If you think playing video games while you are with her is “spending time” with her it’s NOT. All women in a relationship want your attention above all else.  A non-clingy girl will understand if you want to go blow off some steam, but for heaven’s sake tell her.  And NEVER put your friend’s wants and needs above hers.

     If she hates something and has made that abundantly clear to you but she makes an effort anyway, you need to acknowledge it. Praise her efforts because more than likely the only reason she did was for you! Your friends don’t like your girl and your girl doesn’t like your friends, well you can expect a fight or two. However, holding those fights over her head will only be hurting your relationship. And if your friends try to do things to set her off, don’t get mad at her if she reacts. She wants respect, and if it’s not explicitly given she will fight for it. But you shouldn’t let her fight, you should fight for her.

     The suspicious clingy girlfriend is an awful situation. Did you stop to think why this behavior is occurring? Did you do any or all of the things I mentioned earlier? If you did then she’s already acting clingy, so let’s go on to the suspicious aspect that is driving you and her insane.  This is fairly straight forward to see. There could be something like a cheating issue from either a past relationship or your current one with her.  If it’s from a past source she is fighting anxiety that is consuming her every time another woman looks at you.  If you cheated and she forgave you…. Firstly she is a saint! Here’s how you handle it once that kinda blows over. FYI she will never forget, NEVER! If she wants to look through your phone, let her. If you think she’s being paranoid, she already knows she is. But you not letting her prove herself wrong just makes it seem like you are hiding things from her. If you want to go out with your friends and your friends don’t want her there, tell your friends that it is her choice if she comes with or not.  If she decides to not go, tell her where you will be in case she decides to come join you later.

     There is another aspect to the suspicious girlfriend problem you getting upset and she has no clue why. Women are pretty intuitive but not even the greatest woman in the world can read your mind. You don’t know what you want half the time outside of sleep, sex, and food. Men are simplistic but sometimes overly so! Women are complicated and we are well aware of that fact. We go through literally 100 different scenarios as to why you are mad at us, the only exception to that is when we did it on purpose.  It’s like the famous line in the Notebook “What do you want?” don’t tell you don’t know that just makes us really angry. Again, women cannot read a man’s mind! How do we know little things about you it’s not mind reading; it is experience, paying attention, listening to what you have to say and a hell of a lot of guess work.

     So… to wrap up this essay. When your girlfriend is being clingy ask her what she is afraid of, pay attention to her reactions when you do certain things, put her first and foremost. IF you know something sets her off try to avoid it, or at the very least don’t throw it in her face. When you add suspiciousness to the lineup let her prove her damn self-wrong, don’t hide things ever it only makes it worse. Tell her what’s going on with you, even if she is mad at you and basically ignoring your existence she is still listening and paying attention.  If she did something that bothered you, and she doesn’t know she will keep doing whatever upset you. When a woman is upset we will tell you exactly what you did, and make it clear that your life will be miserable if you keep doing whatever you did. We are miserable when our man is mad at us and we don’t know why.  So save us both a headache and spit it out already. You want space that’s cool but could you tell me? So I don’t feel self-conscious that I did something wrong, or feel ignored. Both of those things really suck and pretty much ruin a woman’s day. So there are you answers from a woman about what makes her feel clingy and or suspicious of her man.

 

     P.S. Remember her clinginess isn’t just her problem. Remember that this bad behavior stems from a place that is good. She cares about you, she wants to be with you , and furthermore she is terrified of losing you.